Wings to Fly: How to INSPIRE Our Kids
One of the best gifts we can give one another - especially our kids - is the gift of knowing they - with all their gifts, strengths and choices - matter.
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Hello, my dear friend! I hope this finds you well.
As I mentioned recently, I am in the process of going through my old journals. Particularly those I wrote in the midst of a personal 9-Year.
One of the entries that I came across, I wrote while I was reading the book Please Encourage Me by Margot Rutledge.
In the book, I learned to INSPIRE.
It’s a way for us adults to better relate to our kids, and it’s one of those things that, if I were able to go back in time, I would love to be able to offer my younger self.
What does INSPIRE refer to?
Inquire (and listen)
Our kids want to be listened to and acknowledged just as they are. (Particularly our teens!)
“We ought to be listening at least twice as much as we speak.”
Utilizing this process, try asking open-ended questions rather than those that can be answered with “yes/no” answers.
Encourage kids to share things about themselves. This is how we get to know them as fellow human beings, but - through my own experiences - we act as sounding boards through which they get to know themselves, too.
“The moment we ask a positive question, conversations and interactions become more positive.”
Examples:Can you tell me what you would like to do if you could do anything at all?
What do you feel confident about?
Why is that important to you?
MINDFULLY listen to the responses they offer. Sometimes, it can take a lot of effort!
As you’re listening, listen for feelings as well as words. Watch their body language and listen to the fluctuations in the tone of their voices.NO Judgement
“We need to come from a place of acceptance and support. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with what a person says or does, but it does mean that we don’t have the right to judge. Remember, we don’t have all the facts, and we certainly haven’t walked in the other person’s shoes.”
All of us want a space in which we feel it is safe to be who we ARE, not who others think we should be, and our kids are certainly no exception to this rule.
They are in the process of trying on different hats. Some will fit, others will not. Much like Michaelangelo when he sculpted his own works of art, they are sculpting their own being by carving away everything that is not authentically them.Support
“To prevent from falling: to bear or hold up and to sustain or withstand without giving way.”
“We must support our teens.”
I would insert (kids, friends, loved ones, fellow humanbeings) here.
“It is easy to be there when things are going well or even for a short time when they aren’t, but we have to be there consistently for the long haul."Propose
“When you propose an idea or plan, you are offering the idea or plan for consideration.”
“A very effective way to guide a child is to present options along with the possible benefits and consequences of each one. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to propose ideas or recommendations by saying, ‘Here is something you may want to consider.’ I’ve found that when you give a teenager, and an adult for that matter, something to think about as opposed to telling them what you think they ought to do, they are much more likely to take your recommendations.”Imagine
Do you realize the power of your imagination?
“We use our imagination to play, to dream, and to plan. In our mind’s eye, we can be anything we want to be. We move in the direction of our dominant thoughts, and what we think about expands. When we anticipate a positive future, a vision that creates feelings of hope and happiness, we actually energize the present. A specific, positive image of the future impacts what happens now. The more specific and vivid the image, the more emotion and desire we feel and the more likely we are to take action.”
Once they imagine and dream their big, lofty goal, we can assist them in creating a plan or pathway they can take to accomplish it!
Ask them to write down two or three actions that they can take that will get them closer to realizing their dream.
A lot of times, our goals and dreams seem so big and far away that they feel completely out of reach. But, if we take action daily - no matter how big or small that action is - little by little, we can accomplish SO much!Recognize
Every one of us desires recognition, to have our strengths, talents, and accomplishments recognized, and our kids are certainly no different.
In addition to this, we can recognize them (as well as others) for their character strengths, such as integrity, persistence, determination, kindness, and compassion.
How can we best do this?
“When recognizing a person for something he has done, be sure to look him in the eye, and of course, be sincere. You’ve got to mean what you say. Look for opportunities to identify something the child has done well or tried to do and point it out.”
One of the most challenging things any of us will do is to try something new. To dare to be a beginner.
More times than not, there is a “learning curve” to new skills. This is often what prevents many of us from “giving it a go.” We don’t want to appear “incompetent.” It’s also why - if we don’t “get it” right from the beginning, we give up on ourselves.
If we give our kids the support (above) and space they need to be beginners (just like we did when they were first learning to walk), they will try many more new things. Not only will they likely discover and develop their “God-given” gifts and talents along the way, but - best of all - they will learn to trust themselves in the process.
As I was writing this, my mind drifted to a scene from one of my all-time favorite movies - What Dreams May Come.
In the scene, Chris (played by Robin Williams) and his son Ian have taken a “hooky day” together and are caught in the rain in the forest. What really touched me about this scene is Ian’s confession about how he’s consciously struggling, but doesn’t “give up.”He could have probably benefited from being INSPIRE(d) long before he was.
Encourage
As we are told by “Coach” in Please Encourage Me, encouragement is not a one-shot wonder. It’s not something that we do once, then we’re done. It’s something that we have to do on a daily basis.
Many times, our kids will try something new, and - as I said above - if they don’t get it right the first time, they will be tempted to quit.
Again, I use the example of them walking…
What would have happened if we failed to encourage them then, or WORSE, we discouraged them to walk?
As long as what they are trying to do isn’t detrimental to their well-being or that of others, what’s the harm?
Recently, I was talking with a dear friend of mine who told me about one of her relatives and how he always encouraged his kids to experiment in the arts. When his daughter decided to pursue it as a major, he never discouraged her, but he also encouraged her to have a “backup plan” in the event that things didn’t go the way she envisioned them.
One of the greatest gifts that we can give to one another, especially our kids, is the gift of feeling like they - their gifts, strengths, and choices - matter! When we INSPIRE them, we allow them to spread their wings and fully experience the world in the manner that they intended to when they were born on the planet.
I hope you found this post inspirational as well as informational, my friend.
Until next time, I’m sending you SO much love, light, and BIG squishy hugs!
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I hope to connect with you again soon, my friend!